I was asked the other day by a friend if I ever found myself having moments where it feels as though a wave of nostalgia washes over me. I was surprised to be asked that because I guess I never considered it to be something strange or out of the ordinary at the very least. It always just ways, constantly remembering the past; running it over and over again in my mind until I'm sick of it. I probably think about the past more than I think about the future and that probably is a solid reason to explain my constant emotional turmoil. Letting go is extremely hard for me I've realized as I look around my room and refuse to let go of things that hold no purpose other than emotional context.

The other day I woke up and was particularly drawn to my pointe shoes as they hang on the wall right across from my bed. I no longer dance and obviously can't wear them as legitimate shoes but I put them on anyways and formed my outfit around them incorporating not only a leotard but nude tights and knitwear, all essential items to the dancer.

This idea of waves of nostalgia is an extremely intriguing one, especially when it comes to life and clothing. Many clothing pieces that I cherish most have past moments that are important to me tied into them and for pieces that don't have a history to them yet I love them because they remind me of a past moment. When it comes to life nostalgia can be such a beautiful thing that allows you to remember the moments that made you smile and feel as elated as the clouds. However nostalgia can be a horrible thing as well as we tend to ignore the bad parts of our past that made it our past in the first place. We create a projection of what we wanted the past to be forget what actually happened, or perhaps not forget but ignore.

I am having many waves of nostalgia these days as graduation only approaches sooner and sooner with each passing day so don't take this post as anti-nostalgia. I am simply musing on the topic and wondering my own sanity and psychological well-being. Ballet will always hold a dear place in my heart but I would never go back to attempting pointe professionally. A girl can dream though.